I Did Everything Wrong in Networking — And Here’s What I Learned

When it comes to networking, I have done everything wrong. Seriously—if there was a “what not to do” list for networking events, I could have written the whole thing just from my own experience.

I used to rush into the room, heart pounding, nerves buzzing, and immediately start running around handing out business cards like they were candy on Halloween. I didn’t slow down, I didn’t introduce myself properly, and I certainly didn’t make any meaningful connections.

Looking back, I cringe a little, but at the time it felt like survival. Fear makes you do strange things, and in those moments, I thought if I could just get my name into enough people’s hands, something would magically click. Spoiler alert: it didn’t.

From Frustration to Reflection

As my frustration grew, I started reflecting on what I really wanted out of networking. What would actually make me feel comfortable, welcomed, and seen in those rooms?

I grabbed a notebook and began making a list of all the things I wished someone would do for me at those events. Things like smiling when I walked in, saying hello without expecting anything in return, or even just acknowledging that I looked nervous.

It became clear that I didn’t just want to network—I wanted to connect. And if I wanted that for myself, maybe the best way forward was to start creating it for others.

A New Approach

So I tried something new. Instead of running around the room in a frenzy, I started positioning myself by the entrance. My mission wasn’t to talk to everyone, but to look for the people who needed a friend.

If I recognized someone, I’d greet them warmly: “Hi! Good to see you. Catch you later!” It was a small gesture, but it let them know they weren’t alone in that space.

And then I would wait for the person with the deer-in-the-headlights look — the one who seemed as overwhelmed and out of place as I once felt.

Doing for Others What I Needed Myself

Approaching them was terrifying at first. I had to push through my own anxiety and self-doubt, but I reminded myself of my new rule: do for others what I wished someone had done for me.

So I’d take a deep breath, walk over, and say something like, “You look more afraid than I am. My name’s Dalene.”

It sounds so simple, even a little awkward, but the impact was incredible.

The first few times, I was shaking inside. But the look of relief on the faces of the people I approached was unforgettable. Shoulders would relax, eyes would brighten, and suddenly we were just two humans talking instead of strangers trapped in a stressful networking ritual.

The Realization That Changed Everything

That’s when it really hit me — we all feel this anxiety. We all walk into those rooms with some version of the same fear: Will anyone talk to me? Will I belong here? Will I leave feeling invisible?

That realization changed everything for me. Networking stopped being about what I could get, and started being about what I could give. It became less about collecting contacts and more about creating moments of connection.

And honestly, that shift not only made networking more enjoyable, it also made it more effective. Because when people feel seen, when they feel important, they remember you. They want to talk to you again. Relationships grow naturally from there.

The Invisible Sign

Now, I like to remind myself of a phrase that guides me whenever I enter a room: everyone is wearing an invisible sign that says, “Make me feel important.”

Or, in my own words: “I see you.”

If you walk into networking events with that mindset — focusing on seeing others, rather than proving yourself — you’ll notice the energy change almost instantly. People are drawn to those who make them feel valued.

From Mistakes to Meaningful Connections

So yes, I started networking by doing everything wrong. But those mistakes gave me the gift of empathy. They taught me how it feels to be overlooked, and how powerful it is to be acknowledged.

Today, networking isn’t something I dread — it’s something I look forward to. Because every event is another chance to help someone else feel less alone, more important, and truly seen.

Keep Building Real Connections

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